Looking back at this week; I challenged myself to do things I was unsure I could, I saw a beautiful sunrise, and I was overall pretty productive! Lots of things have been on my mind, and this weekend has been a great time to rest and reflect.
on challenging myself
I’ve written about this here before, but many things that have ordinarily been easy and straightforward for me have become difficult. This week I challenged myself to resist these anxieties and show up in situations where I wasn’t sure I could succeed, and I made it through! ❣️
on questioning validation
This week, I received some feedback on a situation at work where I could have done better. I felt defensive and since then have been criticizing myself. My rumination on the topic feels obsessive, and I’m grateful to have awareness on it. Replaying the moments in my head, I notice that I keep indexing on the context, on what I think makes logical sense, and on somehow rationalizing the situation in a way that redeems myself. The reality is, I did make a mistake, and I can learn from it and do better next time. Rationalizing the thought process is effective to validate myself and be kind to myself, but also isn’t something I need others to recognize (I need to find peace knowing it’s enough that I recognize it). Overall, my mistake and my reaction doesn’t reflect my values or the kind of person I want to be. I recognize that though I didn’t meet my own expectations, I don’t need to fall apart. Still, I feel embarrassed and upset.
highlights
🌇 I caught the sunrise one morning this week, it was a beautiful sunny day and I enjoyed my coffee in bed probably for the first time since I’ve lived in this apartment.
🧊I am writing today during a snow storm! I can’t see too far in the distance due to the snow, and I notice the snow flying with the wind. I haven’t spent much time in the snow overall, and all the properties of the flakes swirling around feels new to me. I can hear the snow flying against the windows and it feels so different than rain. The view is so beautiful; it’s so cool to see everything covered in soft white.
🦋 I met a group of friends who I’ve see a few times since moving to the city and it was nice and wholesome to spend time with them this weekend.
I hope y’all stay safe in the wintery weather. Thank you for reading! 💌